Mutual Trust
by Rosey Malone
Summary: Starsky tries to understand how a simple game can lead to devastating results in he and Hutch's already unsteady relationship? Post Starsky vs. Hutch. I've been having a hard time dealing with this episode so I thought I'd try to change the ending. This will be posted in multiple chapters. Reviews are treasured!
1. Chapter 1

It had started out to be a lively banter. Starsky had read Hutch the new " _Trust Instincts Test"_ he had read about in the _Reader's Digest._

"So after they blindfold you, they see if you can fall backwards without being scared that your partner won't drop you." He read aloud.

"That's ridiculous." Hutch shook his head as he dried the dishes.

"No it isn't," Starsky defended, "It's the best type of test doctors have come up with for a healthy relationship."

"Seems like a big waste of time to me," Hutch sighed, "I mean we've taken a bullet for each other so many times, doesn't that prove trust enough?"

"Yeah but that's in the line of duty," Starsky explained, "Would you do the same thing for me off duty?"

"Of course I would." Hutch replied.

"Good," The brunet smiled, "So would I. So what's the big deal in trusting me to catch you while you're blindfolded?'

"I didn't say I didn't trust you to catch me," Hutch corrected, "I just said it was a waste of time. I mean what's the point?"

"I trust you to catch me." Starsky looked proudly at his partner.

Hutch stopped his task as he eyed the brunet.

"Really?"

Starsky nodded with that childlike smile shining on his face.

"Just like that?" Hutch crossed his arms.

"Sure," Starsky shrugged, "I do trust you, just like that."

Hutch wasn't sure why he wanted to ask this, but he felt the need to know, "How do you know I'd catch you?"

"Would you ever let me fall?" Starsky questioned.

"Never." Starsky couldn't help but smile at how quick Hutch had answered.

"Come mere," He led the blond to the living room, "Here." He handed Hutch a blindfold.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Hutch couldn't hide the uneasiness from his voice.

"Tie it around my eyes," Starsky instructed, "Come on."

"This better be a good idea." Hutch sighed.

"Just don't let me fall," Starsky grinned as Hutch covered his eyes. He could see nothing now, "Ok, take five or six steps away from me."

Hutch did so.

" _Don't let him fall."_ He couldn't stop the thought.

"Ready?" Starsky asked.

"Are you?" Hutch smirked.

Starsky let himself fall back without a moment's hesitation. Hutch caught him not letting the brunet hit the floor. He held him to his chest for a moment breathing a sigh of relief that he had not failed.

Starsky slipped off the blindfold and look up at his brother like a child.

"Told ya you'd catch me." He couldn't stop the smile.

"Hey, I'd never let you fall." Hutch ruffled the dark brown curls fondly.

"Ok," Starsky jumped up and switched places with the tall blond, "Your turn."

"Huh?" Hutch frowned hoping he had heard wrong.

"Fall back and I'll catch you." Starsky informed.

Hutch felt the uneasiness in his stomach grow, "Why?"

"To see how much you trust me, dummy," Starsky nudged his friend trying to speed him up, "Come on."

"Starsk," Hutch shook his head, "This is stupid. I do trust you."

"I know," Starsky spoke gently, "But, let's just do it anyway."

There was such sincerity in Starsky's voice; Hutch knew he couldn't reject his best friend's simple request. He leaned back and let his partner tie the blindfold on him. He heard the squeak of Starsky's Adidas as the brunet backed up a few steps.

"Ok," He heard Starsky's reassuring voice, his accent thick and heavy, "Fall back, buddy."

Hutch took a deep breath. He tried to control his shaking hands.

 _You can't trust each other._ His mind spoke. _He can't trust you after what you did to him. You betrayed him._

Hutch tried to shut off the voice. It simply wasn't true. Starsky would never let him fall, would he? Maybe he would. Perhaps Starsky was still hurt about Kira. However, he had every right to be angry. After all, he had broken their beautiful bond of brotherhood.

 _You don't deserve him as your friend._ The voice taunted. _He should let you fall._

Hutch began thinking of all the love Starsky had shown him through the years. Starsky had trusted him, even after he betrayed him. Yet the question still lingered in his mind.

Did he trust Starsky when he didn't even trust himself?

"Hutch!" Starsky's voice broke his thoughts. It sounded like the brunet had been calling his name for a while.

"Yeah?" Hutch stayed where he was, not even bothering to take the blindfold off.

"Babe?" He felt the warm hand on his shoulder.

Starsky slipped off the blindfold. The uneasiness in the sky blue eyes tore at his heart. He had never seen Hutch so uncomfortable with him in his life.

 _Is this where our relationship's come to?_

"I uh…" Hutch stammered trying to think of a way to keep his cover.

He walked to the kitchen and started back at his task of drying the dishes again. He was irritated with himself for not being able to be so trusting like Starsky.

" _What kind of partner are you?"_ He thought to himself, " _What kind of brother are you?'_

"Hutch?" Starsky was shocked. This same man who had saved his life uncountable times, held him every time he cried, supported him when he needed it, and even took a bullet for him wouldn't trust him to catch him blindfolded.

"You want some coffee?" Hutch tried to ignore his partner. He couldn't forget the look the hurt look in the indigo eyes.

 _Nice work, Hutchinson. Why do you keep hurting him? God Starsk, the last thing I want to do is hurt you anymore than I've already done._

He started making the coffee. He suddenly felt a familiar hand on his back.

"Blintz?" Hutch's eyes filled with tears at the familiar name. Yet he wouldn't meet Starsky's eyes.

"Hey," Starsky spun him around and forced the blond to meet his gaze, "Hutch, listen to me," He cupped Hutch's chin in his hand, "I'd never let you fall, babe. Never I…don't you trust me?"

That was enough break Hutch's heart. He couldn't look any longer into those hurt eyes.

"I got some work to catch up on; I'll talk to you later, huh?" He made the excuse, grabbed his jacket and left the house.

Starsky stood there hurt and confused. Hutch had answered his question without saying anything. His heart told him.

 _He doesn't trust you._

To Be Continued….


	2. Chapter 2

Hutch sat there on the couch just staring in the silence. He hadn't moved from that spot since he came home. His mind kept going back to the incident at Starsky's place. He just couldn't stand himself for the way he had treated his best friend.

They had both talked about what had happened with Kira, but Hutch felt like there was something more to it. Starsky had forgiven him, but it didn't feel like they were Me and Thee anymore. Hutch wondered at times if Starsky really had forgiven him. He had seemed sincere that night when Hutch had broken down crying, begging his friend for his forgiveness. Why then was there such a strain on their friendship?

Hutch couldn't quite let go of the shame and guilt he felt. He couldn't believe how easily he had betrayed Starsky, over a woman who really cared nothing for him.

 _You're a damn fool! You can never find a love like your brother could give you, yet you throw it away for a woman!_

Hutch often wondered when he was alone, why did his partner forgive him so easily? Why did the brunet still trust him? Why did his brother not hold it against him? Scream at him, leave him, or transfer partners? The one burning question kept popping in his mind.

Why did Starsky still love him?

He had betrayed that love and given it to someone who only wanted to destroy them. Hutch couldn't forgive himself that easily.

He went over to the kitchen and pulled out his six pack of beer. If thinking it over in his mind wouldn't get rid of the disturbing questions, then the liquor would.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Starsky lay in his bed, trying to shut his mind off from the day's events. However, it wouldn't shut off long enough to let him sleep.

How could Hutch not trust him? They had always been there for one another in the good and bad times. Ever since what happened with Kira, their relationship had never been the same. Starsky had been hurt when he had found out that his best friend had been with his girl. He felt like his heart was shattered. 

He had always trusted Hutch. The loyal blond had never let him down. He had saved his life more times than Starsky could count. Hutch had held him every time he cried. Listen to him vent out his emotions late at night, not even caring that he had lost sleep. He always had taken care of Starsky when he was sick, wither it be a common cold or a bullet. Hutch always had taken the time to look out for him.

Starsky always ran to Hutch when people, whom he loved, had betrayed him. So what was he supposed to do when Hutch was the one who had hurt him?

When Hutch had told him how sorry he truly was, Starsky had had a hard time staying angry with him. Then when his friend had begun crying begging him not to leave him, Starsky knew then that he could never hate his partner no matter how angry he was. He had reassured his brother that night that he stilled loved him, and it was all in the past. They had both cried in each other's arms, promising never to lose sight of each other again.

However, their relationship still was a bit shaky. Starsky had told Hutch that he needed time to think, and Hutch didn't push him. Yet, it was almost as if they were drifting further and further apart. They didn't joke around as much anymore. They even rode in separate cars to work. It was if they had become partners only in the work related sense. They didn't spend any more time together. They used to always buy the other one a beer down at the Pits. Now when they did go out together, there was always this awkward silence between them.

The thing that had hurt Starsky the most though, was the lack of touching. Throughout the years of their friendship, Starsky and Hutch always touched each other. They would walk in the office with their arms around each other, always play wrestled, ruffling the other one's hair, pats on the back or squeeze on the shoulder. When troubles came hard and one of them was hurt physically or emotionally, they would give each other hugs, or even go so far as to give a quick kiss on the head. It was how they connected without words. They spoke to one another's soul what they couldn't say in words. This was apparent to everyone around them too.

All of these reassuring touches were gone, and Starsky found himself feeling very much alone. He dearly wished for his old partner back. He wished things could change to how they used to be.

Now laying there in his bed, thinking about their friendship and how much he missed it, Starsky let some tears slip down his face. He fought the urge to call Hutch and ask him what was going on.

 _He doesn't want to talk to you. The man doesn't even trust you._

The ring of the phone echoed in the dark room, snapping Starsky out of his depressing thoughts.

He looked at his watch and groaned, "Who the hell calls at 1:30 in the morning?" He reluctantly got out of bed.

"Yeah?" He spoke softly still groggy from sleepiness.

"Starsk?" The other voice was soft as well, but almost shaky.

Starsky recognized the voice in half a second.

"Hutch?" He was wide wake now, "What's up, buddy?"

"N-nothing I uh…" His heart broke as he heard the sob on the other end.

"Aw buddy," Starsky spoke soothingly, "What's going on, huh? Don't cry, babe. It's ok."

"I didn't w-wanna call you." Hutch seemed to have gotten control of himself, "But I had to apologize…even though you shouldn't forgive me."

Starsky recognized the strange slur in Hutch's voice.

"Hutch?" He spoke louder now, "Have you been drinking?"

"Yeah," Came the slurred reply, "Seemed better than sitting in my own self-pity."

"Blondie, you're scaring me!" Starsky yelled back, "How much have you drunk? Wait- don't answer that. I'm coming over."

"No!" Hutch sounded so helpless that Starsky tried to keep his own tears at bay, "Don't want you here. You shouldn't havta take care of me anymore." He began sobbing again and Starsky did too.

"Hutch, don't say that," Starsky slipped on his shoes, "It's always gonna be my job to look out for ya. That's what we do. That's what Me and Thee is all about. I take care of you, you take of me. Don't matter what happened, that'll never change."

"I killed what we had, Starsk," Hutch sobbed, "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did it. God, if I could take it back I would! I swear I would, buddy."

"I know that," Starsky whispered, "But we'll deal with this together."

"No we can't," Hutch replied, "We can't fix this, Starsky. I just wanna die!"

"Don't say that!" Starsky yelled, "You think I want another partner, I don't! I love you Hutch and I don't wanna live without you!"

"Starsky just…" Hutch sighed, "Just go back to sleep, huh? Didn't mean to wake you up. In the morning you won't have to deal with me anymore."

"Hutch!" Starsky felt his heart pounding. He swore when he heard the line go dead.

He ran downstairs and jumped in his car. He kept hoping and praying Hutch would feel him, and wait for him to get there.

 _Don't do this, Hutch. Please, I don't know what I'd do without ya. I need ya, babe. Dear God, please wait for me, partner! Hang on, babe. I'm coming!_


	3. Chapter 3

Starsky rushed through the streets with his siren on. He may not have been on duty, but it was defiantly an emergency. He parked the Torino in front of Venice's Place and raced up the familiar steps. Without even thinking he took the key and opened the door.

When he entered it took him a minute for his eyes to adjust to the dark.

"Hutch?" He called. He crossed the room and flicked on the lamp.

Starsky felt his heart skip a beat when he saw the blonde laying on the kitchen floor.

"Hutch!" He ran to his partner's side and began shaking him violently, "Oh God, wake up buddy! Come on, don't so this to me!" He looked around the room hoping to find any clues. They were all over the kitchen table.

Empty beer cans were scattered about on the table and floor. Starsky didn't even want to think of the damage that could be done to his friend from drinking that much.

"Come on, blintz," Starsky shook him harder, "Open those baby blues for me. Come on partner, wake up."

"Starsk?" Hutch was beginning to rouse. He stared at his friend for a moment, "What…are y-you doing here?"

"What am I...?" Starsky ran a hand through his hair in anxiety, "Buddy you called me. Don't you remember that?"

Hutch looked around the room, "I'm sorry. It's all my fault. Starsky I'm-"Hutch sobbed, "I don't know why I did it."

Starsky took him in his arms rocking back and forth gently.

"It's alright. It's ok. I forgive you buddy," He breathed a sigh of relief. He was so relieved that Hutch hadn't taken anything accept too much alcohol. Starsky never thought he'd be so happy to see Hutch drunk.

"Hey, how come you didn't call me, huh?" He patted Hutch's back, "We could've gotten drunk together and made it a party."

"It was no party." Hutch slurred. He tried to push Starsky's hands away from his face, that's when Starsky noticed the red swollen bruise over his knuckles.

"What did you do?" The brunet took the big man's hand in his own running his fingers over the battered hand. He winced at the sight of the angry bruise. Hutch groaned when he put light pressure over it, "That hurt?"

"A little." Hutch admitted.

"I think it's broken," Starsky sighed, "Come on partner, I gotta get you sobered up."

Once he had gotten Hutch safely in the bathroom, he began searching through his kitchen cabinet. He got out a cup and filled it halfway with hydrogen peroxide, then the rest with water stirring it slightly. He remembered he had learned that old trick from his Grandmother when his Grandpa had gotten drunk at his aunt's big Italian wedding.

"Hutch?" Starsky came back in kneeling beside his partner, "Come on babe. Drink this."

Hutch obeyed not even asking what was in it. His partner had had years of experience when it came to taking care of him. He knew Starsky knew what he was doing. Within a few minutes, Starsky was holding the blonde as he vomited up everything he had drank in the toilet on his knees.

"Easy buddy," He rubbed Hutch's back, "It's ok. Take it easy babe, I'm right here." He continued whispering soothingly to him, rubbing his back and shoulders. Without letting go of his friend Starsky took a cloth he had wetted and gently wiped Hutch's face.

"How ya doing, buddy?" Starsky couldn't hide the concern in his voice. He didn't like how glassy and unfocused the sky blue eyes were.

"I've had better days." Hutch smirked.

"Drink this." Starsky gave him some water.

Hutch obeyed but took it more slowly than before trying to give his upset stomach a rest. It didn't sit well however, and Hutch threw up even what little water he had just taken.

"Good boy," Starsky squeezed his shoulders in encouragement, "Just get it out, you'll feel better."

Hutch barely had enough strength to move by the time the last bout was over, and Starsky was practically holding him up over the toilet.

Starsky felt fear grip his stomach when he noticed the blood in the toilet.

"Hutch, you're scaring me now," Starsky lay a hand on the feverish cheek, "Buddy, can you look at me?"

Hutch's head lolled from side to side and his eyes were still unfocused.

"Hutch!" Starsky shook him harder causing Hutch to groan and turn to him.

"Starsk," He whispered, "I'm sorry."

"God, how much did you drink, babe?" Starsky held him tight to his chest. He felt slight tremors going through the blonde's body, "Stay with me, partner."

The shakes were getting worse. Starsky was beyond frightened, but he knew he had to stay calm.

"Lay back, pal." Starsky ordered sitting Hutch up against the tub. Without hesitating he ran in the living room for the phone.

"Detective Starsky, I need an ambulance my partner's sick!" Starsky told the operator.

" _Alright Detective, what's your address?"_

"Uh, 1027 N. Carlos." Starsky replied. He stopped when he heard a thump in the bathroom, "Hutch?" He dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom, where he saw his partner was having what looked like a seizure.

"Oh my God, Hutch!" Starsky shouted coming over by his friend's side and holding him as the shakes wracked his body.

" _Detective Starsky?"_ The operator called, _"Are you alright?"_

Starsky was wary of leaving his friend's side but he knew the operator needed more information. He was in no mood however of retelling the whole incident again.

He grabbed the phone hard and shouted, "Get that damn ambulance over here now! My partner's having a seizure!" He then hung up without another moments thought.

"Hey Hutch," He ran back in the bathroom relieved to see the fit had stopped, "Hey babe, its ok. I'm here."

"Starsk," Hutch mumbled under his breath, "Sorry."

"Come on, partner," Starsky lifted the blond so he lay comfortable on his lap, "Just relax, Hutch. Everything's gonna be fine."

"Sorry," Was Hutch's only response, "So sorry..."

"Shhh," Starsky stroked his hair, "We'll talk about it later, blintz. Just know that I'm not angry with you. I love you, ok?"

" _You shouldn't,"_ Hutch thought silently before giving in to the darkness, _"I don't deserve you, babe."_

It felt like an eternity for Starsky, who just sat there holding on to his brother, but finally the ambulance's siren was heard. Starsky breathed a sigh of relief. He looked down at his sleeping friend and only then did he let the tears that had been choking him fall.

"Stay with me, buddy," He laid his head against Hutch's, "Just stay with me. We'll work this out together. I promise."


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry for the long wait. Real life got in the way. I know it's short, but I promise more will come_

The hospital was a hustle and bustle that night. Doctors and nurses scurried down the hall, rushing to their emergency assignments not even noticing the detective seated in the chair.

Starsky checked his watch. He had been sitting here for an hour. Too much time had gone by. He was finding it difficult to keep from thinking the worst. He had never seen his partner this sick just from drinking. It frightened him that he didn't know what to do to help his best friend.

"Starsky?" The brunet recognized the familiar deep voice.

He turned to see Captain Dobey standing there with worry evident on his face.

"Hey, Captain," The brunet moved over so the big man could take a seat, "What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you that," Dobey sat down breathing heavily from running down the hall, "Couple of officers answered the call by Hutchinson's place. They came and told me Hutchinson was in bad shape when they found you two."

Starsky didn't answer. He just stared at the floor, not trusting his voice. He almost let the tears fall when he felt the black man's hand on his shoulder.

"Tell me what happened, son." The voice was gentle but had a sense of urgency to it as well. Captain Dobey had a special place on his heart, for his two finest detectives who he often referred to as his "boys." When they were hurt, it seemed as if his whole world would slip from under him.

"I don't know," Starsky ran a hand through his hair, "I found him drunk on the kitchen floor. He was so sick, Captain. I-I didn't know what to do for him. God, this is all my fault."

"Now what makes you say that?" Dobey frowned, "You didn't tell Hutchinson to go off and drink and you certainly didn't tell him to feel guilty about all this."

"No," Starsky whispered, "But I saw that there was something not right. That something was bothering him, and we never talked about it. We haven't been the same since all this shit with Kira happened."

Dobey nodded. He had seen Starsky and Hutch grow more and more distant, throughout the weeks. He didn't want to get between the two, but he had been tempted many times to lock them in his office and force them to talk about it.

"Family for Officer Hutchinson?" The doctor's voice broke their conversation.

Starsky jumped up, "Yeah?"

The silver haired doctor inspected the curly haired detective skeptically.

"I'm sorry sir, but how may I ask are you related to Mr. Hutchinson?" He asked.

"I'm his brother." Starsky answered without a moment's hesitation.

"Officer, I see no resemblance to…"

"We have the same mother but different fathers, now will you tell me how he is?" The detective had had enough and was now finding it hard to remain patient.

"Yes, well he has had alcohol poisoning. We found internal bleeding, and have drained as much blood as we could out. He's having antibiotics distributed in his I.V. now, but we'll have to moderate him throughout the night. He also has damaged his right hand. It looks like a simple boxer's fracture, so he'll have his knuckles bandage. All in all, it looks much worse than it is. He's healthy and strong, and if he looks well enough you can take him home tomorrow. With whom am I to leave the care instructions to?"

"Me," Starsky replied, "I'll be taking care of him."

"Alright, you can go see the nurse about the prescription antibiotics that you'll have to pick up, and the caring instructions…."

"Doc," Starsky cut in, "When can I see him?"

"Not until tomorrow. He needs as much rest as possible."

"No, you don't understand," Starsky sighed, "If he wakes up and I'm not there, you're gonna have a lot of trouble on your hands, Doc."

"Officer, you are not permitted to go in that room. I'm sure Officer Hutchinson can manage throughout the night without you."

"No, he can't!" Starsky raised his voice, "Please, ya gotta let me stay with him! You don't understand…"

"Starsky," Dobey cut in laying a hand on the young man's shoulder, "Now Doc, I think it would be a wise decision if you let Detective Starsky stay. Your patient will heal a lot quicker, I can tell you that much."

The doctor gave the Captain and Starsky a skeptical look. But, he then nodded.

"I'll have the nurse show you the room."

"Thanks Doc." Starsky shook the man's hand gratefully, "Captain, could you call Huggy and ask him to swing by Hutch's place and bring a new set of clothes."

"Sure thing," Dobey nodded, "Now you go see to your partner, and keep me posted if anything changes."

"I will," Starsky gave his a slap on the back, "Thanks Captain."

"Detective Starsky," A young nurse walk in the room, "If you'll follow me, I'll show you to Mr. Hutchinson's room."

Starsky followed the nurse down the hall and into a small room. He felt the ache in his chest, as he saw his friend lying so still asleep in bed.

"I'll leave you alone," The nurse said, "Call if you need something."

"Thanks." Starsky gave her a smile, but tried to hide his tears as soon as she closed the door. He pulled up a chair and sat down wearily taking in his friend's appearance.

"Hey blintz," He whispered taking the blonde's hand in his, "How you doing buddy, huh? Doc says you were lucky. You really scared the hell outta me, partner."

Hutch groaned turning his head to the sound of his friend's voice.

"Yeah that's it, Hutch," He encouraged, "You coming back to me?"

"Starsk…" Hutch whispered opening his eyes.

"Yours truly. How ya feeling, buddy?"

"Tired," Hutch looked around the room, "How long have I been here?"

"A few hours," Starsky explained, "You were lucky. Doc said it could have been much worse."

"Did…" Hutch turned his attention back on the brunet, "Did you stay here the whole time?"

"You bet I did," Starsky grinned, "I was outside in the waiting room the whole time."

Hutch was silent for a moment trying to process the information.

"You shouldn't have done that," He let go of Starsky's hand, "I've already ruined your night."

"Hey, don't say that," Starsky admonished, "Cause it an't true. I wanted to be here with ya, Hutch."

"Why don't you go home," Hutch turned away from his partner, and Starsky could feel the blonde's wall going up, "Get some sleep or something?"

"Now way blondie," Starsky layed a hand on the tense shoulder, "I an't leaving you here all alone…"

"Starsky, I don't want you here!" Hutch finally let some of his aggravation show.

Starsky was silent to hurt to speak.

"Please…" His voice broke a bit with emotion, "Just leave me alone."

Feeling as if he had just been slapped, Starsky stood up and moved the chair away from the bed. He sat down reluctantly.

"Alright, we won't talk if that's what you want," He sighed, "But you can't get me outta here."

Hutch ignored him trying to forget about what had happened that night.

 _Doesn't he realize what I did? I betrayed him and he still loves me?_

He pretended to go back to sleep leaving a hurt Starsky to sit there contemplating his friend's attitude.

How angry was Hutch with him? How did this happen? Why hadn't he seen the warning signs long ago? All these questions ran through the detective's mind as he let some silent tears flow. Tears for the friendship he felt he was losing.

 _God, how did we come to this, Hutch?_


	5. Chapter 5

**A super huge apology to all of you who have stuck with me here. School just got so busy that I haven't had the chance to look at anything else for quite some time. I think for future stories I post; they will be finished completely. Thanks for sticking around, this story is almost through.**

 **Please don't forget to review! ;)**

The doctor had given his permission to let Hutch leave the next afternoon, with strict care instructions for his partner.

"Now Officer," He kept his tone serious, "I know that your eager to leave here with your friend, but you must understand that he is emotionally hurt. He should be physically better in a few more days, but I can't seem to fix something I can't see."

"I understand that, Doc," Starsky nodded, "But, Hutch and I are best friends. Whatever's bothering him, I'll be able to find out."

The doctor wrote on his clipboard, "Are you sure you're able to care for him?"

"Yeah. It's not the first time I've looked after him when he's been hurt," Starsky added, "We're cops, so I've had a lot of experience in…. these places."

"I see," The doctor nodded, "Well, here is his prescription. Keep him from overdoing it. No stress. The dizziness, fatigue, and possible nausea will go away in a few days. If anything unusual happens bring him back immediately."

"Ok," Starsky took the paper and slipped it in his pocket, "I appreciate your help, Doc." He shook the man's hand.

"My pleasure, Officer," The doctor smiled, "And I hope I won't be seeing you again for some time."

"Don't worry," Starsky smiled walking away, "I'll try to stay clear of this place for as long as I can."

He jogged through the hall stopping at his friend's door. He paused a moment considering if he should knock or not. He shook his head.

" _I've never had to knock before. But then again there wasn't a wall between us before. Alright, this has gone far enough!"_

He opened the door, surprised to see Hutch sitting on the bed dressed and ready to go.

"Hey, whatcha doing outta bed?" He asked.

"Waiting for the release papers," Hutch replied, "Doc, told me I could leave today, right?"

"Right," Starsky put his hands on his hips, "But he wants someone to watch you for a while so I naturally offered…"

"Why?" Hutch suddenly asked.

Starsky was suddenly at a loss for words. That was a good question and the detective was holding back the urge to rattle his friend.

" _Why Hutch? That's a great question, dammit! Why did you backstab me? Why didn't I forgive you sooner? Why did you drink yourself half to death? Why are we like this now?"_

But none of those thoughts were spoken. Starsky didn't have the heart to hurt his partner more than perhaps he had already.

So he just asked casually, "Why what, babe?"

Hutch looked at the floor shaking his head, "Never mind."

I uh..." The brunet cleared his throat, "I got your release papers and stuff so… you ready to go home?"

Hutch stood up and slipped on his jacket. Huggy had been by yesterday evening and had brought both men a change of clothes. Even the bartender had no words of comfort to offer both men, and was more than shocked to see the distance between them.

"My place or yours?" He asked.

Starsky swallowed the lump in his throat. That statement sounded so normal. Almost like they were at the Pits having a dinner laughing over some cold beers. The weeks had certainly changed for the worse and now Starsky even considered playing along with Hutch's undercover game.

Yes, they would just pretend none of this happened. It would be pretty simple, but Starsky knew this game wouldn't last for long. What would happen when they got tired of pretending?

"Starsk?" Hutch called his name and it sounded like he had been talking to him for some time.

"Hm?" Starsky frowned, "Oh uh… my place. Not sure if we got any food, so what do ya say we order a pizza?"

Hutch just nodded.

" _Starsk, this just isn't going to work! Why can't you see that?"_

"Hutch?" The blonde looked up from the floor and was startled to see Starsky standing right in front of him.

"I'm… really sorry this happened, buddy," Starsky's voice was light and a few tears escape. Brushing them away quickly in frustration he continued "I'm just…. I want things to be back the way they use to be, ya know?"

Hutch tried to contain his own tears. He fought the urge to hold his best friend. This man was so loving, understanding, and loyal. Hutch was ashamed of himself for putting his partner through this misery. Yet as much as it hurt him to have this wall up, he didn't have the strength to take it down.

"Me too," He replied hating the shakiness in his voice, "I hate this…. all of this, but I just…"

"What?" Starsky urged when noticed Hutch had stopped speaking. He was relishing the fact that Hutch was opening up a bit and speaking to him. Little by little perhaps the wall was coming down.

Hutch sighed, "Let's just go home, Starsky."

The brunet's hopes were crushed. Hutch had closed up again. He could see the pain buried deep in those sky blue eyes he knew so well. Perhaps Hutch couldn't open up to him, but Starsky would keep trying.

"Ok." He forced a smile. He crossed the room heading to the door and held it open for the blonde.

Hutch wasn't sure if the ache in his heart would ever go away, or just keep redoubling itself.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The drive home was quiet and uneasy. Hutch didn't want to say anything, and Starsky didn't know what to say. However, he wasn't ready to back down from this fight.

"You feeling any better?" He asked keeping his eyes focused on the road.

Hutch sighed. _Yeah Starsk, every hour just keeps getting worse, I'm feeling great._ Yet, he chose not to say that.

"Sure."

Starsky took a quick glance at his partner. The wind tousled the sun kissed hair lightly. His sky blue eyes looked like they held a deep hurt.

" _Keep talking to him."_ The brunet's heart said.

"You know, I've been thinking about getting the brake fluid changed," He spoke, "You should change it every two years."

Hutch wasn't really listening. He glanced out the window. It was late afternoon and the sun was showing its last peeks of brightness before closing the day. It truly was beautiful, but none of the sun's brightness touched the detective's heart.

"Hutch?" Starsky had stopped his conversation realizing his friend wasn't listening.

"Hm?" The blonde blinked out of whatever he was in, "What?"

"What's up, buddy?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, you can tell me."

"Starsk!" Hutch finally let his irritation show, "I don't want to hear about your damn brake fluid! Why are you doing this, dammit! I don't want you to take me home, and act like nothing happened! I…." He took a breath, "I don't want you to act like this."

Starsky took in what the blonde was saying. He tried to lay a reassuring hand on the strong leg, but it was brushed away.

"Then what do you want, Hutch?" Starsky took a quick glance at him and then the road.

"I want you to leave me alone!" He yelled back.

The silence could've been cut with a knife.

Starsky felt the same knife pierce his heart as the night when he had found his partner in his drunken stupor. Without thinking, he swerved the car to the curb and parked it.

"Well, that's not gonna happen!" The fire that had been building itself deep inside the brunet's chest was finally erupting, "I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you. You're _my_ partner, _my_ best friend, and you're _my_ brother. That's makes you _my_ responsibility, got that?" He wiped away the tears that pooled in his eyes in frustration.

Hutch didn't say a word, surprised at the emotional outburst from his friend. More guilt hit him when he saw the tears in the cobalt eyes. He knew he was responsible for those tears. He was responsible for all the pain his partner felt now.

"Starsk," The blonde tried to get the word out, "What happened to us?"

The words were so genuine and full of pain that Starsky had to fight the urge to hold his friend close. He settled for ruffling the back of the blonde hair, rubbing his neck lightly.

"Nothing, babe," Starsky whispered trying to reassure, "We just got sidetracked. We're still here. It's still Me and Thee."

Hutch looked down at his boots, "No…it's my fault. Everything."

Starsky's eyebrows arched in sorrow. He hated hearing the guilty tone in his friend's voice.

"Hey," He whispered, "An't ya gonna let me share some of that guilt?"

Hutch looked at Starsky in confusion, "You? Why? You never did anything wrong."

Starsky sat back running a hand through his hair. The tears were blurring his vision and he opened his window for some more fresh air.

"You don't think I haven't been thinking about this every day for weeks?" His voice cracked under the strain of emotion, "I wasn't exactly being a good buddy to you either. Don't you know how sorry I am for all this?

For a moment all his pain was forgotten, and Hutch moved close to his best friend to touch the beard rough cheek.

"Starsk, don't do this to yourself. You did nothing to deserve what I did to you. How I backstabbed you. How I betrayed your trust."

"Hey," Starsky replied, "That goes both ways, blondie. You didn't deserve this either, and I'm sorry."

Hutch shook his head, "I can't forgive myself as easily as you can, Starsk. I'm sorry."

Starsky looked at his friend and was surprised to see Hutch looking back at him. The blue eyes held hurt inside, but also something more. Yet, Starsky wasn't sure. Was it perhaps that he was seeking comfort?

Perhaps the wall that had evaded any kind of comfort that he was trying to give, was finally coming down. Was Hutch finally seeking comfort, or was he just opening up his feelings to his partner? Either way, Starsky welcomed the conversation gladly into his lonely heart.

"Blondie," Starsky smirked affectionately trying to evoke some happiness toward his friend, "You know that Kira was just playing us both. She had us set from the start."

Hutch remained silent. He knew what Starsky said was true, but he wasn't quite ready to let go of his own remorse just yet.

"And we fell for it," Starsky finished, "Like two high school kids."

"I know what she did," Hutch shook his head, "I mean what about…. How are we going to get us back?"

Starsky glanced at his partner and sighed, "I don't know. Not yet anyway. We'll come up with something," He gave the cop next to him a light rub on the arm, "We always do."

"Hm. _We_." Starsky noticed a faint smirk on the blonde's face, "Not so sure we can believe in that anymore."

The reality of the statement hit the brunet hard in the stomach. The thought of never getting any of this back again was enough to make him lose it right here and now. However, he refused to delve into those thoughts. He would just try with everything inside of him to not let that happen. And if all else failed….

Reality would never be the same for Detective Starsky.


End file.
